Ah, the Void. I would say that being here feels amazing, but, truth to tell, it doesn’t feel like anything. That’s the point of the whole thing, and I’m perfectly fine with it. There might be no happiness, pleasure or satisfaction, yes, but there is also no worrying, no stress, no anxiety - only the mindless drifting through nothingness. I like being dead.
There’s something wrong with the situation though, however, I just can’t quite put my finger on the source of the problem. But suddenly I realize what’s been making me slightly uneasy (even though it wasn’t supposed to happen here): there was something, just at the border of being audible, for quite some time already, but it was so quiet that it could have merely been an irate silence. Only by straining my non-existent ears do I manage to finally pick up the signal and realize with fury what it exactly is.
Shit, not again.
Some bored or desperate (or both) people are doing a séance again. Why can’t they ever knock it off? This is like the twentieth time my carefree nap had been interrupted, and each and every one of these occasions just makes me more and more annoyed. As their humming grows louder and louder, I feel as if my body was anchored and being pulled by a gentle but invisible force towards the direction of the ever so annoying noise. As my long-forgotten senses awake yet again, I start to see a dim room packed with rather bizarre props and whatnots: incenses, skulls, candles, crystal balls, you name it. Of course, as a skeptic, it all makes me want to laugh out loud. How could they believe in all that bullshit?
I notice the main troublemaker: a gypsy woman with huge golden earrings is sitting at one end of the circle, with the other three holding hands with eyes tightly shut with concentration. Some of them even have beads of sweat appearing on their foreheads. Pathetic bastards, putting their faith and trust into something as useless as a séance like this. Not to mention the fact that they dragged me out of my eternal slumber during the process. The gypsy woman raises her head with her eyes looking into the void, and starts speaking in a voice that is clearly meant to be mystical; I find it rather annoying. She welcomes me in their company and promptly starts my interrogation. I join their stupid game: this is not the first time I’m doing this crap.
She asks me who I am. I tell her I’m the relative of one of the attended, and that my name starts with either an E, an M, an N, or an A. To help out a little, I tell them that I had a bruise on my left knee. Since they want more information to confirm my identity, I tell them everything I can to make it so. I tell the chubby guy that he likes the colour blue and considers himself hard-working, yet caring. I tell the younger, red-haired girl that once she fell off the tree in their backyard. I inform the weeping guy with the goatee that he’s a sensitive person, but doesn’t have to worry: it takes all sorts to make a world. The gypsy woman asks me how I died. I answer by telling that I was close to water. Also that I had some medical issues, with my stomach and my throat. I tell them that I love them, and that they should try to avoid fatty food, and try exercising twice a week. And that sufficient sleep will make their skin smooth again. Then I say good-bye.
God damn it, when I remember how bad I felt after the first time I did this, but I realized: this is what you get if you believe in bullshit like this. Open your eyes and look around yourself for solutions. Learn to let go. Don’t look for the ultimate answer in a plane that you don’t even have anything to do with. The resolution is always in the same world as the problem. If someone tells you otherwise, you have the best reason to be mistrustful.
Finally, the gypsy witch decides I suffered enough, and releases me, thanking me for my assistance and wishing me a safe journey back to the land of the dead. I kick up one of the chairs as I leave, not as much as a sign of my presence as of my annoyance. Still, it feels good to scare those bastards a bit. Time to get back to my well-deserved rest. At any rate, I swear to... well whatever, the next time some assholes try summoning me, I’ll just play dead.
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